i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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