My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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