whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize