I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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