I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize