If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
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