Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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