Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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