Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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