Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize