wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
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He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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