What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
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I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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