I'm lost and stupid without you.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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