some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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