Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
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I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I lost the right to judge tonight
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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