everyone is single if you try hard enough
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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