She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
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She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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