Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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