I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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