Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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