I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize