just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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