I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize