ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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