I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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