ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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