I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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