I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
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So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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