i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
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I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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