I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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