why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
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A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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