Will you blow on my dice?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize