I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
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You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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