i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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