its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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