it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
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KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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