so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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