I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize