I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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