Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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