Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize