Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
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Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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