What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize