just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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