and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize