Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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