Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Randomize