I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
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He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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