If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
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Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
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She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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