We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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